Reflections (or more like Ramblings...)

Seems like I haven't been on here much to just write and ramble like I used to.  My posts lately have all had a specific agenda, whether it be my photography series, Victor updates/photos, and now house hunting. I kind of feel like I'm missing out by not spilling my silly life and thoughts out into this little corner of my cyber world, so I thought I would attempt to do so now (sadly many of my thoughts get lost in the jumble of everyday life, and with my brain increasingly becoming 'preggo' like the rest of me, thoughts are hard to keep...yet another reason to blog!)

*In general, my life feels like the word I mentioned above: jumbled. There's a lot going on, and yet I don't feel like I have a full on grasp of any of it. Sometimes I forget I'm pregnant, I stare at my computer screen when I'm supposed to be working and I think 'what am I doing again?', the housework falls behind no matter what I do, I neglect checking our bank account until it's too late and realize we can't do groceries until we get paid (umm, yeah, today), I start undressing Victor and he ends up crawling around for 5 mins in just his diaper because I'm off doing something else...yeah, just jumbled. And it's not like these are all additional things that I'm taking on unnecessarily, it's the everyday, normal things of life (family, home management, kids, work). A lot of the time (more than I care to admit), I just tune out and sit in front of Netflix or with my phone instead of getting myself organized or ahead in any sort of way. This doesn't really bode well for when the new baby arrives, but I have a feeling I'll never fully feel 'caught up' until...well, maybe never!

*Speaking of the new bébé, we find out the sex next week so that's quite exciting, and he's (maybe she's, but probably not, ha!) been kicking a bit stronger this past week. I try to make a point to stop and feel it when it happens, it's such an odd/wonderful thing, I know I'll miss never feeling that again. Also, we have our first round of names picked out (boy only) and we have a few favourites, but we're going to save it until the little guy's birthday just like with Victor.

*As for Victor, he's starting to get this walking thing down, but he's definitely turning into a toddler.  I plan on blogging about this sometime, but let me just say that I was soooo right back when I said that toddlerhood was going to be the hardest period for me as a parent, it's barely even begun and I kind of want it to be over! So many wonderful moments, but so many challenges as well.  My patience tank is going to have to be re-filled daily to get through the next couple of years!

*I've been kind of obsessing over decor again, and I think it's because I know that we're moving into a house soon. Pinterest has been feeding my obsession, and mostly it has been feeding it in the form of beautiful kitchens.  And farmer's sinks, specifically.  I NEED a farmer's sink.

*We're still deep in house hunting mode and I could not be more excited. I am slightly discouraged by the lack of choice due to our price range, but I know that we'll find something and that I will love it (or learn to love it). The important thing will be getting my brain wrapped around the idea of us 'settling' there, because so often in our various moves I've put off doing things because we weren't staying...well, this time we're staying, so it's time to make all my ideas come to life! No more bare walls, ugly colours, mismatched everything, it's time to make a real home. And I can't wait!

*Work is going ok, not great, but I account the time of year as the main reason for the lack of greatness. I'm not shooting consistently and that makes me feel like I'm not 'working' enough. There's tons of stuff to do behind the scenes, like I said, but it seems like it's really hard to get started on any of it (I did the major things already, like launch my websites, now it's mostly branding/marketing stuff, which is tougher to deal with I find.) I'm also kind of discouraged by my lack of profits (again, because the time of year), it makes me nervous for when it starts to matter later this year. I don't have as many sessions booked as I'd like.  But, having only been working for a full month now, I think it's still a bit too early to despair yet.  I'm doing pretty well at ignoring the house (and mess) while I am working, but it's the online distractions that still get me, so I'll have to work on that too.  I'm enjoying working at home and the flexibility it provides though, so I'm still really grateful for the opportunity to do it.

*I've been thinking about dyeing my hair red for a little while now...I attempted to do it myself with less than desirable results (meaning no results), so I plan on going to a hair salon to get it done as soon as the money becomes available. I've also been thinking about tattoos lately, and I think that once bébé #2 is here I will celebrate (or reward myself?) by getting another one. Probably something with the kiddos' names, but we'll see. Maybe Dan and I will go together :)

*Craving strawberry Pop Tarts lately and ate 4 of them last night.

*While working the other day I listened to a bunch of TEDtalks (great site with speakers on all sorts of topics) about our food system and how our diets/attitudes about food are killing us. It really got me thinking (and feeling guilty) about what I'm feeding my child, as well as myself. At the same time I just feel so helpless about the whole situation. I mean, I've been eating basically the same way for 25 years, changing is not going to be easy. Look above, I'm craving Pop Tarts! We've made small changes here and there (switching to whole wheat bread, incorporating quinoa and other grains), but the idea of eating only 'real' food seems quite impossible to me, honestly. I know that our diets are not as bad as some people (we're not only eating pizza and burgers every week), but there's definitely a lot of room for improvement. Does anyone else feel this way, like it's a losing battle and no matter what you do you're ruining your kids?  I worry for Victor and what it will be like when he gets older...if he doesn't get a good foundation of healthy eating at home he certainly won't get it anywhere else...sigh.

*Along the same lines, I plan on starting some sort of garden this year (for REAL), ideally in our new home. I may start a few potted veggies/herbs next month and keep them inside until we move, then if possible, transfer them into the ground.  I'm hoping that by doing this it will encourage me to eat more fruit and veggies.  My sister is planning on getting chickens this year (both egg layers and meat kings), so we'll be covered there, and we're back to buying local meat. That, along with the farmer's market, should make for a healthier, local diet.  Or so I hope :S

Ok, well that's probably enough mutterings.  I'm behind on my maternity series again (surprise, surprise), so rain or shine, I need to get out there tomorrow and get my awkward model on!

Hope you're all having a splendid spring evening (even though I use the word 'spring' loosely, since there's about an inch of freezing rain/snow on the ground as I type...I've said it before and I'll say it again, spring does not begin until mid-May around here and maybe lasts 3 weeks, if that!)

Until next time,
G.